Can I Leave?
by JessieBess
Summary: Tom makes a decision about leaving Downton with Sybbie.


_**Note: I wrote this story some time ago - while I was getting the courage to actually publish something. I'll be curious to see if the decision my story Tom comes to is the one Tom in the show comes to.**_

Although no one could ever question Tom's devotion to his beloved daughter, it seemed to him he could never spend as much time with her as he wanted. The Crawleys had a very different idea of how to raise children than Tom but he was determined that he would raise Sybbie how he and Sybil had envisioned. But at Downton it wasn't so easy to do.

During those first few months, the darkest of his life, he rarely left Sybbie. He fed her, bathed her, read to her, sung her to sleep. She was what kept him going, what kept him from falling into the dark abyss. It was Sybbie that gave him a reason to live.

The question of what he would do next was answered by Matthew. His job as Estate Manager was a demanding one. To fulfill his duties he had to travel all over the vast estate as well as to merchants and suppliers in neighboring towns and sometimes as far away as York. The tenants, merchants and suppliers found Tom much more involved in the estate than the previous manager Jarvis had ever been. The longer Tom was in the job, the more he thought that Jarvis, and by extension Robert, had been too lax in managing the estate. While Robert's losing Cora's money due to a bad investment was a blow to the estate, Tom knew that it was not the sole cause for the financial problems facing the estate. Matthew, with great input from Tom, had developed a much more sound policy for managing the estate than Jarvis or Robert ever had. Now, with Matthew gone, Tom found it was up to him and Mary to carry on with those plans as well as develop new ones. As the chauffeur, Tom would never have envisioned himself as a savior of Downton Abbey but he did it now for the sake of his daughter and her future.

Not that Sybbie would ever inherit Downton or even a part of it. It was that the job of Estate Manager was a well-paying one. It paid far more than he was earning as a journalist back in Dublin or probably anywhere else for that matter. It paid far more than he could earn as a mechanic or as a chauffeur. Even after the very generous amount he sent each month to his mother, Tom was able to save most of his salary. He had very few expenses since he and Sybbie lived at the Abbey. If he did this job for a few years, he would be financially secure. He could then look for another job, maybe as journalist, or maybe he would buy his own garage to service cars since he hadn't lost his love of cars.

However, if he was honest with himself, Tom found that he actually enjoyed the job as estate manager and the challenges and opportunities it presented. To enhance his management of the estate and knowledge of agriculture in general, Tom found himself spending many hours reading articles in agricultural journals and newspapers. He liked to know the latest trends and techniques. He found that his love of engines and mechanics piqued his interest in farm equipment and machinery. Tom even found himself writing articles for various agricultural trade journals.

By nature, Tom was not a solitary man so he enjoyed the personal contact with the estate's tenants as well as the merchants he dealt with so often. Most of the tenants found him easy to talk with and believed he had their best interests at heart. His grandfather had been a tenant farmer to a landowner who treated all his tenants as property and not people. A man who took all he could from his tenants while giving them as little as possible. Tom vowed he would not treat Downton's tenants as mere property and therefore dealt with everyone with respect and in turn had earned their respect.

No matter how busy his days were Tom made time for Sybbie. Most every day he was able to have a quick lunch or tea in the nursery. He often found himself reading or writing articles while Sybbie played contentedly on a blanket set on the floor of his office. Of course he often ended up on the floor with her. But probably his favorite time was rocking her to sleep while reading her bedtime stories. Much to Robert's consternation, he often left dinner early to be able to do so. But Tom didn't care, spending as much time as he could with Sybbie was more important to him than dinners with the family.

Sundays were solely for Sybbie. It was the one day of the week that Tom never worked unless there was an emergency of some kind that couldn't wait till Monday. At first he would spend his Sundays in the nursery with the infant Sybbie. He would have a tray sent up to the nursery so he could eat lunch and dinner with her since the Crawleys would never allow a baby in the dining room. He would bathe her and then read her stories until she fell asleep. When she began walking, Tom would take her out to the lawn or gardens to play often with Isis in tow. Isis seemed taken with Sybbie and would follow her anywhere. That feeling was mutual and Sybbie loved chasing Isis around almost as most as she loved chasing a ball. She was spellbound by a kite that Tom would fly on windy days. Sometimes, much to the horror of Robert or Violet, he and Sybbie would have a picnic on the lawn.

Now that she was three, they ventured further afield. They would walk down to Isobel's or into the village. The normally 20 minute walk would often take them an hour or more due to Sybbie being easily side tracked by butterflies or rabbits or even blooming flowers that beckoned her for a closer inspection. Sybbie loved visiting her "Aunt Isobel" who would always have some biscuits just waiting to be devoured. The village also contained many delights with the store windows displaying their appealing wares. Tom would often see some of the tenants or merchants he dealt with and enjoyed showing Sybbie to them.

Once or twice a month, Tom would take Sybbie to the Catholic church in Ripon. He tried to pick the Sunday when there was a social hour after the service since he enjoyed socializing and talking with his fellow parishioners and Sybbie could play with the other children. There were a few parishioners from Ireland and Tom loved to talk about home with them.

After church, Tom would take Sybbie for a car ride before returning to Downton. Sometimes they would stop at a pub he used to visit when he was still the Downton chauffeur. The owner was from Dublin and served the simple Irish dishes Tom often longed for while eating the haute cuisine served at Downton. Other times they would stop at an inviting spot and have a picnic. Since he now roamed all over the Downton estate, Tom knew the best spots for playing or picnicking. He enjoyed showing Sybbie cows and pigs and horses and even the chickens that were raised there and he delighted in hearing Sybbie make all the noises associated with such animals.

While Tom was still the chauffeur, he and Sybil had spent many afternoons or evenings in the garage talking about their childhoods. Sybil talked lovingly of the grounds of Downton and how she loved playing outside although the activities that were considered proper for a young lady were limited but that didn't stop her. She recalled that she was forever being scolded for muddying her dress or shoes or coming back to the house looking like a ragamuffin. Often to avoid being scolded for such unladylike behavior she would sneak back into the house through the servant's door and up the servants staircase to her room. Although she would of course often stop first for some biscuits or scones with some of Mrs. Patmore's delicious jams and jellies. Mrs. Hughes and Mrs. Patmore would feign horror at her disheveled appearance but neither ever told her mother or father.

Mrs. Hughes confirmed these stories when she told him of the first time she had met Sybil. Mrs. Hughes had only been working at the Abbey for a few days as a housemaid, when she had wandered into the kitchen and found a child of about five or six sitting at the table eating a biscuit. It was obvious from the cut of her clothes that she was one of the daughters of the house. Although that dress would now need a good washing as well as a mending since the hem was muddied and threads were showing in places as if it had been snagged on something. The sleeves were similarly muddied. Her shoes looked a lost cause and her stockings were torn with what looked like pieces of leaves sticking in them. Her wild dark brown hair that had probably been so carefully put in a ponytail and tied with a ribbon was disheveled with wisps of hair falling every which way and shards of leaves showing here and there. When the child looked up she was startled to see a stranger but then she broke into the widest smile with her bright blue eyes shining completely captivating Mrs. Hughes.

"_Hello. I've been fighting pirates" the child said in a very serious tone. "I think Mrs. Patmore would want me to have some biscuits knowing I'm so hungry and it's hours till tea time. They are most delicious. Would you like one?"_

_Before Mrs. Hughes could reply, the cook entered the kitchen. "Lady Sybil what are you doing here?" Then spying the open biscuit jar she gently scolded the child "remember you are suppose to get one of us to get the biscuit jar down from the cupboard. Your father will be angry if you fall." It was then that the cook realized the state of the child and that her father and mother would be even angrier seeing her so disheveled._

"_But your biscuits are so good I just had to have some and no one was here to help me" replied the child with no hint of remorse._

_Before Mrs. Patmore could further comment, the child turned to Mrs. Hughes. "I've never seen you before."_

"_I'm a new housemaid here. My name is Elsie."_

_The child then stood and walked over to Mrs. Hughes holding her hand out and with the most beguiling smile said "I am so pleased to meet you Elsie. My name is Sybil."_

_Just then the nanny ran into the room. "Oh there you are. I've been searching all over the house for you"_

"_But it is such a nice day I was outside playing."_

_The nanny started scolding the child as she led her up the stairs._

"_That child will be the death of us all. But she's so sweet it's hard to get tough with her." Mrs. Patmore said revealing a soft spot for the youngest Crawley daughter._

Tom had laughed at Mrs. Hughes' story. That curious and adventuresome child had become the young woman he loved so deeply.

When they had returned to Downton for Mary's wedding, Sybil had shown Tom her favorite places to explore. There was the tree she loved to climb even though when she was eight she had fallen and broken her arm. A creek that had provided many happy hours with various activities – throwing stones, hunting for whatever creatures lived in the water, skipping over stones trying to make, and usually failing, to get from one side to the other without getting her feet wet. There were the best fields for chasing butterflies or gathering flowers for making crowns. Sybil had told Tom how she wanted the child she was carrying to enjoy those kind of activities. Luckily, their flat in Dublin was close to a park. Her daughter, for Sybil was sure the babe in her belly would be a girl, would have clothes just for playing. Her daughter would know what it was like to run barefoot, another forbidden activity secretly ignored by Sybil, through lush grass. Her daughter would know the joy of playing in mud puddles or sitting on a fence with a gentle rain spraying her face. Her daughter would be able to freely partake in those unladylike and forbidden activities of Sybil's own childhood.

Tom made sure his Sybbie was able to play like her mother had envisioned. He often took her to those places Sybil had shown him where, when he heard his daughter shriek with delight or laugh uncontrollably, Tom knew Sybil was looking down on them with a smile on her face. As much as he told himself it was the job keeping him at Downton, Tom knew it was also Sybil. It was at Downton where he and Sybil had met and fallen in love. And it was here that was her final resting place. He couldn't face leaving her at least not yet.


End file.
